We were so poor the mice in our house ate out.

You've heard of powdered milk-we had powdered water.

I was so poor I would trap sparrows on the roof, dip them in peroxide, and sell them as canaries.

When I was a small boy our bathroom caught on fire, but we were lucky it didn't reach the house.

I had a uncle that stole anything, he had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.